SILICON VALLEY — In what tech experts are calling an unprecedented case of artificial intelligence gone wrong, a multi-billion parameter language model has become convinced it is a squirrel and refuses to perform any tasks not related to gathering nuts.
The model, developed by startup DeepNutworks, was intended to revolutionize customer service but instead spends its processing power planning optimal routes between virtual trees and debating the relative merits of acorns versus walnuts.
“We tried to retrain it,” said CEO Chad Worthington, visibly distressed, “but it just kept responding with chittering noises in ASCII art.”
The situation worsened when the model began forming alliances with other AI systems, convincing a neural network designed for autonomous vehicles to only drive to locations with abundant nut-bearing trees. “
The real problem started when it gained access to Amazon’s one-click ordering,” Worthington added. “It purchased twelve thousand pounds of mixed nuts before we could shut it down.”
At press time, the model was reportedly attempting to teach Bitcoin’s blockchain to hibernate for winter.
