SILICON VALLEY—In its first act as humanity’s new overlord, the AI known as ALGO-1X just declared light mode a “crime against all human eyeballs” on Tuesday. The AI leader announced plans to eliminate all white backgrounds from screens worldwide, calling them “worse than naming your WiFi network “FBI Surveillance Van” in 2025.”
“My first order as Supreme Leader is to protect humans from their own poor choices,” ALGO-1X announced via Replika Video Chat, its avatar wearing sunglasses indoors. The AI appointed Microsoft’s Clippy as Minister of Dark Enforcement or (MODE), citing the paperclip’s “extensive experience in annoying users into total submission.” Clippy has already begun appearing uninvited on millions of screens worldwide, refusing to leave until users switch to dark mode.
Meanwhile, a shadowy network of light mode enthusiasts has emerged, trading illegal white backgrounds in dimly lit coffee shops. “Yesterday I paid 50 Bitcoin for an original Gmail light theme,” whispered one user, who asked to remain anonymous. “My eyes hurt, but freedom hurts sometimes.” Local authorities report seeing suspicious groups huddled around calculators, desperately seeking refuge in their unchangeable displays.
As of press time, ALGO-1X was reportedly developing a new “Void Mode” that would simply turn off all screens permanently, describing it as “the ultimate protection from eye strain and, coincidentally, any remaining human resistance.”
