Remember when smartphones were the height of tech-twattery? Those halcyon days when the most annoying thing someone could do was walk into you while checking their Instagram feed, mumbling a half-arsed “sorry” without ever looking up from their digital dopamine dispenser? Well, buckle up buttercup, because the future is about to get so much worse.
Tech companies, those enablers of our collective digital dependency, have decided that having a phone in your pocket isn’t quite intrusive enough. No, now they want to strap AI directly to your face, like some sort of cyberpunk monocle designed by a committee of Silicon Valley overlords who think Black Mirror was a collection of product pitches.
These new AI glasses promise to be your personal assistant, fashion advisor, and creepy stalker all rolled into one sleek package. Imagine walking down the street while your glasses helpfully inform you that the person you’re about to bump into (because you’re too busy reading the glasses’ display) has a LinkedIn profile that suggests they’re “potentially looking for networking opportunities.” Fantastic. Now we can all be that insufferable person at parties who knows everything about everyone before they’ve even said hello.
But wait, there’s more! These face-computers will also be able to translate conversations in real-time, which means you can finally understand what that French couple at the next table is saying about your horrible pronunciation of “croissant.” They’ll also be able to identify objects and provide helpful context, like pointing out that the mushroom you’re about to eat in the woods is either a delicious chanterelle or something that’ll have you chatting with machine elves for the next eight hours.
The real kicker? These devices will supposedly be able to read your mind – or at least predict what you’re thinking based on your eye movements and neural patterns. Because if there’s one thing we definitely need, it’s for an AI to know exactly how many times per day we contemplate ordering pizza while pretending to work.
And let’s not forget about the privacy implications. These glasses will be recording everything you see, which means every embarrassing moment, every private conversation, and every time you pick your nose thinking nobody’s watching will be potentially uploaded to some server farm in Nevada. Your entire life will become content for the algorithm to analyze, like some sort of dystopian reality show where you’re both the star and the unwitting producer.
But perhaps the most terrifying aspect of all this is that we’ll probably love it. Just like we loved smartphones, despite knowing they’re basically digital crack pipes with cameras attached. We’ll embrace these AI specs because they’ll make our lives marginally more convenient while simultaneously destroying whatever’s left of our ability to function without digital assistance.
So get ready for a world where everyone looks like they’re auditioning for a low-budget remake of The Terminator, where eye contact becomes optional, and where the phrase “my AI thinks we should see other people” becomes a legitimate breakup excuse. Welcome to the future – it’s right in front of your eyes, whether you like it or not.